Signs Your Child Needs Extra Emotional Support (and Where to Get It in Wales)

Every child has wobbly weeks. The question most parents are really asking is: is this a phase, or does my child need more help than I can give at home?

I have worked with children and families for many years, in childcare, children’s mental health services, school attendance support and residential care. The parents who worry most are often the ones doing the best job. This guide is here to help you tell the difference, and to know where to go next.

Signs to look out for

Any of these on their own can be part of normal life. What matters is a change from how your child usually is.

• Sleep or eating changes — struggling to settle, waking with worries, eating much more or less.
• Pulling away — dropping friends, staying in their room, losing interest in things they used to love.
• Lots of worry — constant “what ifs”, needing reassurance again and again.
• Tummy aches or headaches, especially on school mornings, with no medical cause.
• Not wanting to go to school — tears at the gate, refusing to get dressed, asking to be picked up early. See our guide to school avoidance and anxiety.
• Big behaviour changes — more anger, meltdowns or aggression than usual.
• Going backwards — bedwetting, baby talk or clinginess they had grown out of.
• Harsh self-talk — “I’m stupid”, “nobody likes me”, “I’m rubbish at everything”.

Phase or something more?

It is worth getting support if what you are seeing:

• has lasted more than two or three weeks;
• is getting in the way of school, friendships, sleep or family life;
• is showing up in more than one place, such as at home and at school;
• followed something big, like a bereavement, separation, a move or bullying;
• simply doesn’t feel right to you. You know your child best.

What you can do at home

• Talk side by side. Children often open up in the car, on a walk or while drawing, rather than face to face.
• Listen more than you fix. “That sounds really hard” helps more than a quick solution.
• Help them name it. Our free “Today I Feel” poster and Emotions Wheel give children the words.
• Keep routines steady. Predictable mornings and bedtimes are calming for worried children.
• Keep a short diary. Note what happens, when and what came before. It will be very useful if you speak to a professional.

Where to get help in Wales

• Your child’s school or nursery. Talk to the class teacher, head of year or the ALNCo (the person who coordinates additional learning needs). Schools in Wales offer counselling for secondary pupils and Year 6.
• Your GP or health visitor. They can talk things through and refer you on to specialist services, such as children’s mental health services, if needed.
• NHS 111, press 2. Free, 24 hours a day, for anyone with an urgent mental health worry about themselves or someone they care about, including a child.
• Meic. A free, confidential helpline for children and young people in Wales, by phone, text or online chat.
• Childline: 0800 1111. Free and confidential for children and young people across the UK.

If your child is in immediate danger, or has hurt themselves, call 999 or go to your nearest Emergency Unit.

You don’t have to have all the answers

Asking for help is not a sign that you have failed. It is a sign that you noticed. Waiting lists in Wales can be long, so speaking up early, and keeping notes, gives your child the best start.