School Avoidance and Anxiety (EBSA): A Guide for Parents in Wales

Tears at the school gate. Tummy aches every Monday. A child who simply can’t get out of the car. If school mornings have become a daily battle, you are not alone, and it isn’t a sign of bad parenting.

What is EBSA?

Emotionally based school avoidance (EBSA) describes children who find it very hard to go to school because of anxiety or other difficult feelings. It is not the same as truancy, and it is usually not defiance. Most children with EBSA want to be able to go. Their worry is simply bigger than their ability to cope.

School attendance is a growing concern in Wales. In recent Welsh Government figures, more than a quarter of pupils were persistently absent, meaning they missed at least 10% of school. EBSA is one of the reasons.

Signs to look out for

• Tummy aches, headaches or feeling sick on school mornings, which ease at weekends and in the holidays
• Trouble sleeping, especially on Sunday nights
• Tears, clinginess or panic at drop-off
• Asking to come home, or phone calls from school saying they feel unwell
• Refusing to get dressed or leave the house
• Being very tired, upset or withdrawn after school

Lots of children have the odd wobble. It’s the pattern over time that matters.

What might be behind it

There is often more than one reason, and your child may not be able to explain it. Common causes include anxiety, friendship problems or bullying, finding the work hard, learning or sensory needs that aren’t being met, a big change such as moving to secondary school, worries about home or a family member, and low mood.

What helps at home

• Act early. The longer a child is out of school, the harder going back usually becomes.
• Listen without fixing. “It sounds like school feels really hard right now.” Taking the feeling seriously helps more than reassurance like “you’ll be fine”.
• Talk at calm times, not at 8am on a school day. Car journeys and bedtime chats often work best.
• Keep mornings predictable: the same routine, things ready the night before, and a calm, low-pressure start.
• Keep days at home boring. If your child is off, keep to school-day routines, with no screens or treats during school hours, so home doesn’t become the easier option.
• Help them name their feelings, for example with our free “Today I Feel” poster.

Working with your child’s school

Contact the school as soon as you notice a pattern, and ask for a meeting with the class teacher or head of year, the wellbeing lead and, if learning needs might be involved, the ALNCo. Together, you can agree a plan. That might include:

• a trusted adult your child can go to, and a quiet place to use when it gets too much
• arriving a little earlier or later, or through a quieter entrance
• a short-term reduced timetable that builds back up, step by step
• support with friendships, bullying or schoolwork
• regular check-ins and a date to review how it’s going

Welsh Government’s attendance guidance puts learners’ wellbeing first and asks schools to work with families. In Wales, secondary pupils and Year 6 pupils can also get support from the school counselling service.

What about fines?

Many parents worry about this. Welsh Government guidance says fines should be a last resort, that a warning should come first, and that schools should consider whether a fine would actually help a child back into school. Keeping in close contact with school and showing you are working together is the best protection for everyone.

Other help

• Your GP, especially if your child has physical symptoms, panic, or very low mood
• Meic, the free, confidential helpline for children and young people in Wales
• NHS 111, press 2 for urgent mental health worries, at any time

And please look after yourself too. Supporting an anxious child through this is draining, and it is OK to ask for help.

Small steps, taken together, with school on your side.

Read next: signs your child needs extra emotional support.