Is This Tantrum Normal? Signs to Watch For, and What to Do While You Wait for an Assessment

“Is this normal?” is one of the most common questions parents ask about tantrums. Most of the time, the answer is yes. But some patterns are worth talking to someone about, and knowing which ones can save you a lot of worry.

What everyday tantrums look like

Tantrums are most common between about 1 and 4 years old, when children have big feelings but not yet the words or self-control to manage them. Typical tantrums:

• are triggered by something you can usually spot: tiredness, hunger, frustration, a “no”, or a change of plan
• last a few minutes. In one well-known study, healthy preschoolers’ tantrums usually lasted around 10 minutes
• end with your child calming down, often with a cuddle
• slowly become less frequent as speech and self-control develop

Patterns worth talking to someone about

Research on preschoolers has found that the way children tantrum can matter more than how often. It is worth raising with a professional if your child:

• hurts themselves during tantrums, for example head-banging or biting themselves. This is the most important sign to mention.
• regularly hurts other people or breaks things
• has very frequent tantrums, such as more than five a day on several days in a row
• has tantrums that regularly last longer than about 25 minutes
• can’t calm down afterwards, even with your help
• is still having frequent, intense tantrums at school age
• also has other things you’re unsure about: speech, sleep, eating, play, friendships, or strong reactions to noise, textures or crowds

One of these on its own isn’t a diagnosis, and tantrums alone don’t mean a child has ADHD or is autistic. They are simply a good reason to ask for advice.

Keep a simple diary

Before you speak to anyone, jot down a week or two of tantrums: the day and time, what happened just before, how long it lasted, what your child did, and what helped them calm down. A diary turns “it’s been really hard” into clear information a professional can act on, and you may spot patterns yourself.

Who to talk to in Wales

• Your health visitor for children under 5
• Your GP at any age
• Your child’s nursery or school, including the ALNCo (the person who coordinates additional learning needs). Ask whether they see the same things.

They can talk it through, suggest strategies, and refer your child for further assessment if needed.

Waiting for an assessment

Waits for autism and ADHD assessments in Wales can be very long. In one health board, figures for March 2026 showed only around 1 in 8 children were seen within six months. You don’t have to wait for a diagnosis to get help.

• Ask school for support now. Welsh Government has confirmed that children don’t need a medical diagnosis to get additional learning provision. Ask the ALNCo what they can put in place.
• Ask what support exists while you wait. Contact the service your child is waiting for and ask about parent workshops, advice lines or information packs.
• Find parent support. The National Autistic Society, Autism Wales and AP Cymru, a neurodiversity charity, offer information and support for families, with or without a diagnosis.
• Use what helps every child. Predictable routines, warnings before changes, a quiet calm-down space, picture timetables, and helping children name their feelings, for example with our free Emotions Wheel.
• Keep your diary going. It will be useful at the assessment.
• Look after yourself. Waiting is exhausting. Ask family or friends for breaks, and tell your GP if you are struggling.

If you’re worried about safety

If your child is seriously hurting themselves or others, speak to your GP urgently or call NHS 111 and press 2 for mental health advice. In an emergency, call 999.

You know your child best. If something doesn’t feel right, it’s always OK to ask.

Read next: what to do when your child hits or refuses everything, and the signs your child needs extra emotional support.